President's Day

This President's day, I went with some of my roommates up the Provo Canyon for some ice fishing! After drilling the whole in the 18 inch thick ice and letting down a line, I began work on an igloo. It took a while at first, but soon my roommates joined in and...well, check out the pix. They can describe it better than I can.

Such is Life

So, I wasn't sure what to expect from the campus life at BYU after my mission. This is my first semester back and I've been home for just short of two months now. Things are a little harder than expected. I, being the wise-guy that I am, decided to get as many General credits out of the way before starting the Nursing Program. All good in theory, but now I'm taking 17 credits and have no life. I now realize that I probably could have just taken several of those General credits in the Spring giving me more time to focus on the pre-requisite classes for the Nursing Program this semester, but...

Such is life. You make some mistakes and you live with it, you learn from it, and you move on.

So, now I just took two mid-terms and turned in a paper and this week I have three more mid-terms and three papers to write. I find most of my time is spent in the solitude of my bedroom staring at a book or the computer screen and I'm wondering what all this is for. Why am I destroying myself? What's worse is there are about a million and a half distractions floating around. There's always a party or activity or movie or game and I'm always invited because I have awesome roommates and I feel like a complete looser when I tell them, "No thanks, I'm going to study read my text books for the next five hours followed by an exhilarating three hours of paper writing", but...

Such is life. You have a goal and you sacrifice everything to achieve it.

So, I realize that my life is not totally abnormal and that there are lots of other people out there with no social life too. I sure does help to have awesome roommates. This weekend I went Ice skating and will now openly admit that I have a weakness for the open lane. I love skating fast. There's a bi-ward activity this coming weekend and we're going ice skating again so I'm looking forward to that. I'm also going ice fishing tomorrow with some of my roommates. I never imagined I'd be doing so much with ice, but...

Such is life.

Connecting the Dots (Part 3 of 3)

Part 3: The Beauty of Developing Relationships

"And ye shall go forth in the power of my spirit, preaching my gospel, two by two, in my name, lifting up your voices as with the sound of a trump, declaring my word like unto angels of God." (Doc. & Cov. 42:6, emphasis added).

I was called to serve, but not alone. One of the greatest lessons I learned as a missionary is how to develop relationships. How essential a lesson to learn, especially in missionary work! As missionaries, we learned so much more than just how to teach and feel the spirit. We learned to have "no contention one with another, but... look forward with one eye, having one faith and one baptism, having [our] hearts knit together in unity and in love one towards another" (Mosiah 18:21). Indeed we were to create Zion. This included our relationships with our companions and other missionaries; local church and mission leaders; and members and their friends.

Companions and Other Missionaries

I was not given an easy set of mission companions. My mission president acknowledged this several times. I love each of them very much, but it was definitely a challenge for me to get along with them 24/7. I learned a great deal from each one of my companions and I learned the most in the most difficult companionships.

At the start of my mission, I was blessed with companions who were my greatest mentors, who taught me the language and trained me to be the missionary I eventually became. In the moment I did not appreciate their help, but my perspective of their role in my life quickly changed when challenge presented itself.

I will not go into detail with my relationships with my companions. It satisfies me to say that I had many challenges. At first, I let those challenges bother me. I'd get mad and frustrated with my companion for whatever reason. Then I was reminded of the following scriptures:

"For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another" (3 Nephi 11:29).

"And the Spirit shall be given unto you by the prayer of faith; and if ye receive not the Spirit ye shall not teach" (Doc. & Cov. 42:14).

I asked myself the question, can I feel the Spirit in my companionship? If I couldn't feel the spirit, I could not teach. I felt a noticeable difference between lessons when I had a good relationship with my companion and lessons when I was angry and bitter still. Several times I could not teach at all. The lesson was taught by one of the two of us and the other just sat there. This was not the way things were to be done. I knew because we had been called to preach the gospel two by two. It's not just a buddy system.

I started looking at how I could improve my relationship with my companion and other missionaries. I looked to the scriptures and prayed much. I knew that I had to teach by the spirit and I could only have access to that spirit if there was no contention among us. I learned so much as I humbled myself. I found that I cared more for others. I felt better about our companionship and was able to teach by the Spirit together with my companion.

We found that your relationship with your companion is a strong key indicator as to the outcome of the following transfer. Once you start getting along and having success one of you is bound to get transferred. And so it happened with me and I then learned another valuable lesson about relationships. Not everyone is the same. Everyone of my companions came from completely different backgrounds and experiences which made up who they were and how they respond to me. The way I treated some companions would be complelty inappropriate for other companions. It was always a hard adjustment, but I learned many things every transfer and now I am more able to adapt to change and find that I am more sensitive to personal needs.

Local Church and Mission Leaders

I found that the same principles apply to my relationships with local church and mission leaders as well. As 80% of the baptisms in our mission were member referrals, a missionaries' success in a ward largely depends on the relationship between the ward leadership and the full time missionaries. I learned to get along with ward leaders despite our differences as I focused on our commonality. Being one in purpose allowed us to put aside our differences and work together towards a common goal.

The same was true of mission leaders such as district leaders or zone leaders or the assistants to the president up to the mission president himself. Every one of them was different, yet as we brought our individual talents together to work towards a common goal, we saw much success.

Members and their Friends

Sadly, I was in areas where the previous missionaries made some poor choices and offended many members. Many missionaries don't understand why there are so many rules for missionaries and justify doing something so little as chewing gum in public. They are astonished and ashamed when members notice and call them out. How do the members know so many of the rules missionaries have? It remains a mystery to me, but I learned quickly that it is important to always be on duty. There is so much pressure as a missionary in everything you do from the way you style your hair to your conversation with a member of the opposite sex. Many missionaries don't like this kind of pressure and rebel, but I learned early on just how much my actions determined our relationship with the members.

Once missionaries have lost the trust of the members it is very difficult to recover. Personally, I think this is another reason for frequent transfers. Why is the relationship between missionaries and members so important? Just because of that 80% statistic. Members that don't trust the missionaries would never trust them with something so important to them as their friendships. This is why it was so important as missionaries to always be on duty.

Connecting the Dots

How to develop relationships was one of the last things I expected to learn about on my mission, yet it has helped me so much as I have applied what I learned there to my daily life. We are very social creatures. It's almost a form of survival of the fittest or survival of the most social. Everyday we communicate with others and form relationships.

By humbling myself and being more sensitive to the needs of others I have found it easier to make new friends in my new world. Being one in purpose with friends, or acquaintances has helped me in forming new relationships. As I work along side classmates to understand the concepts discussed in lectures, we are automatically drawn together in a closer relationship. A big part about forming relationships is forming the right ones. Ones that will help you to be the best you can be. As I continually strive to live the high standards of the gospel, I can feel confident that my friends and others around me will have more trust in me. That can be a lot of pressure as here at BYU everyone knows those standards and are almost watching to see if you slip up. People who trust me are most likely the ones who will become my good friends in the future.

Today being valentine's day, I thought it appropriate to publish this post on relationships. Sometimes, after reading my own writing, I question if there is any legitimacy to what I say especially in the Connecting the Dots section. I've been home for a grand total of one month and seventeen days. It's not like I have a whole lot of experience in applying what I've learned from my mission especially in the field of relationships. I am by no means and expert on the subject. I have made a few really good friends who have helped me a great deal as I've assimilated back into life. I am sure that one day I will be able to apply what I've learned from my mission to the development of a different kind of relationship.

Conclusion

Now, bringing this all together has been quite interesting. I've learned a lot of things as I've looked back on my mission and seen how it relates to life in the real world. I feel that connecting the dots is the best thing to do when one gets back from a mission. Life as a missionary is so much different from that of any other person in the world. At first it's hard, but then it becomes routine and then habit.

The hardest part about it is thinking about others 98% of the time and reserving the very least bit for yourself. The best advice I have heard for missionary work came from a friend and fellow missionary. He said simply enough, "It's not about you!" This simple statement stuck with me as I considered my role as a missionary. I learned a lot of things by applying that statement, but there are somethings you can not apply to regular life and this is one of them. Sure you can think it some of the time, but never to the extent that missionaries do. I have to worry about my classes, how I will pay for school, setting up a new bank account, living on my own, buying personal needs and wants...and the list goes on. But...does it have to be that way? Do I have to think so much about myself? Do I have to be so self absorbed all the time in my new life to fit in or is there a better way?

In the Savior's mortal ministry, it is apparent that everything he did was to do the Father's will. It was never about Him. It was never about him in the desert where he was tempted to succumb to the appetites of the flesh. It was never about him when scourged and plagued with taunting and laughter from the crowds. Even when it came down to his very life, it was not about His pain or His needs. And he extends to us the invitation: "...Follow thou me. Wherefore, my beloved brethren, can we follow Jesus save we shall be willing to keep the commandments of the Father?" (2 Nephi 31:10). Is it not a commandment to love one another? to comfort those that stand in need of comfort? to serve our fellowmen? to mourn with those who mourn? Indeed we are taught through the example of Christ to care for The One.

I have learned many important principles from my mission including learning by teaching, and the role of the Spirit of the Lord and of Elijah, and the beauty of developing relationships. We are taught through our own personal experiences how to apply such principles in such a way to benefit of others because, when it comes down to it...It's not about you. Now you connect the dots.

Connecting the Dots (Part 2 of 3)

Part 2: The Spirit of the Lord and of Elijah

The main purpose of the Holy Ghost as a third member of the Godhead is to witness of God the Father and his Son Jesus Christ. He testifies of all truth. It is not surprising then that when one feels the Spirit of the Lord, he has a greater desire to testify of that truth to others and to invite all others to come unto Christ on both sides of the veil.

The Spirit of the Lord

There came a point on my mission where I stepped back and asked myself what it was that drove so many young, able men to give up their own lives for two years to serve strangers in a strange land and many times in a strange tongue. The thought seemed strange to me and would sound strange to anyone who doesn't understand the effects of the Spirit of the Lord on the human soul. To understand the Spirit of the Lord to the degree that I could, I took a look at my own experiences, the scriptures, and Preach My Gospel.

My Experiences

The role of the Holy Ghost is essential in the conversion process of anyone. So it was for me in my experience with gaining a testimony. I can remember growing up in primary singing songs of one day going on a mission. I always wanted to go on a mission, but it wasn't till later in my life when I began to gain my own testimony that I really felt the Spirit of the Lord driving me to that end of inviting all others to come unto Christ.

I remember the day well in eighth grade when my eyes were opened and my understanding increased. I sat pondering in the solitude of my bedroom of the complexities of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and just how blessed I had been to be born into a family in which I was taught such truths. I wondered what I had done to get me where I was. I wondered where I would be without the Gospel in my life. I wondered what it would be like to be any number of my friends at school who didn't have the Gospel in their lives. I wondered what it would be like after this life when they too are able to receive the Gospel.

This last thought stuck with me and I played it out in my mind. I thought of the sweet reunion between me and a good friend not of our faith. I could imagine the dialogue: "McKay! I have waited so long to see you" he would say. "I have been blessed with the true Gospel of Jesus Christ and my work has been done for me on Earth!" At this thought I would be filled with joy for a good friend who had accepted the Gospel.

Then another dialogue took place in my head: "Why didn't you say anything?" he asked with a puzzled look on his face. "You knew! You knew it was true all along and I was right there with you for years! Why didn't you even try?" At this thought my joy was replaced with sorrow, regret, and shame. Tears filled my eyes as I responded. "I was afraid. I was afraid you wouldn't like me. I was afraid you wouldn't understand and would reject something that is so precious to me. I'm sorry." I knelt down at this thought and began to pray for forgiveness.

The Scriptures

A scripture came to my mind at this point of my thought process: "For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to everyone that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek" (Romans 1:16). Was I the Roman to whom Paul was preaching? Was I the Jew who first received the Gospel and my friend the Greek? Could I too boldly declare at that moment with Paul that "I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ?" Or with the primary child who sings, "I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?"

Now, I don't enjoy such a guilty feeling so I looked for ways to overcome it. I began to talk with friends casually about my beliefs. I made a conscious effort to keep my life in harmony with the standards of the church. Many of my classmates and friends rejected the principles I lived by and few were polite about it. I did not stand upon the lunch tables in the cafeteria and begin to preach to the population of students and staff. I did not wave my hands in the air and cry repentance. I did not go door to door and invite others to come unto Christ, but my desire to do so had never been stronger. I wished a wish that I would one day fulfill in the California San Diego Mission. I wished that I could dedicate 100% of my time, efforts, and talents to bringing others to the truth.

I didn't know it at the time, but my influence on others in my pre-teen and teenage years would one day be a contributing factor of the conversion of at least two of my friends, the joy of which has filled my soul.

In the solitude of my bedroom, I thought of the Sons of Mosiah who were described with a similar desire to serve. "Now they were desirous that salvation should be declared to every creature, for they could not bear that any human soul should perish; yea, even the very thoughts that any soul should endure endless torment did cause them to quake and tremble." The sons of Mosiah, were all young men. They had had an experience which created a belief or testimony which drove them to a desire to share what they had been so blessed with. They understood what endless torment awaited those who never accept Christ's gospel and "they could not bear [it]." This is the answer to my question as to what drives so many young men to give up their own lives for years to bring others unto Christ. It is their own testimony and conviction of true doctrine.

Preach My Gospel

Preach My Gospel is laced with this pattern of gaining a desire to serve from spiritual promptings. I first found it in chapter one which talks about the purpose of missionary work: “As your understanding of the Atonement of Jesus Christ grows, your desire to share the gospel will increase” (emphasis added, p.2). It then goes on to say that Lehi too felt of this desire. It says he felt the “great…importance to make these things known unto the inhabitants of the earth” (2 Nephi 2:8).

Chapter two, entitled Effective Study, says the same thing in this way: “As you treasure up the words of the scriptures and latter-day prophets by study and faith, your desire to share the gospel will increase” (emphasis added, p. 19). In chapter ten the doctrine is applied to investigators of the Gospel: “As you accept our message…you will want to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ and be baptized by proper authority” (emphasis added, p. 177).

The Spirit of Elijah

These experiences from my own life, the scriptures, and Preach My Gospel all point to how the Spirit of the Lord works to prompt individuals to share the Gospel to whatever degree they are capable of. When I came home to a world of Mormons at BYU, I found it hard to invite others to come unto Christ as I had for the past two years. My life seemed without purpose. It took some time and I’m still working on it, but I feel as though I have found something I can do. It’s not exactly the same as when I was on my mission, but it still helps others to come unto Christ. I found out what it was as I walked the thirty minute walk up to the Provo Temple every Friday morning. This gave me lots of time to ponder and one day, I felt a strong desire to focus on genealogy.

It seemed odd to me at first, but I became absolutely fascinated by genealogy and family history. My parents and grandparents have done a considerable amount of genealogy on either side leaving very little to be done, yet I became determined. I was excited to find all the ancestors to whom I am related and to hear of their stories. I admired their legacy and journeyings. I found joy in doing the temple work for family files of a friend and my own family and can only imagine the joy I will have when I meet them on the other side of the veil.

What was it? What was driving me to do something as boring and tedious as genealogy? I found the answer in the scriptures: “Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers…” (Malachi 4:5-6). I know that this passage is being fulfilled because I have seen it in my own life.

Connecting the Dots

The Spirit of the Lord and the Spirit of Elijah both seem to work the same. The influence of the two can be so powerful and so rewarding. The Spirit of the Lord can plant a desire in the hearts of men so powerful as to get thousands of young men every year to voluntarily give up two years of their life. The Spirit of Elijah is so powerful as to cause the construction of over one hundred beautiful temples all over the world. The desire to invite others to come unto Christ can be rewarding as you watch friends enter the waters of baptism. Temple and Family History work can be rewarding as you ponder that sweet reunion with the faithful ancestors who accepted the Gospel message.

Anyone who wishes to feel a deeper desire to invite others to come unto Christ or to perform the saving ordinances for their deceased loved ones need only understand and feel of the Spirit of the Lord and of Elijah through personal spiritual experiences, the scriptures, and the teachings of the modern prophets.

Connecting the Dots (Part 1 of 3)

Introduction

This period of my life has begun at an alarming pace. One moment I'm teaching a less-active member of the church how to overcome a doubt and the next I'm teaching a college student the names of the different muscles on a human cadaver with my own hands! Making the connection between mission life and "real" life has made all the difference in the transition process.

I was interviewed the other day by a friend for The Daily Universe, the BYU newspaper. The trend article will focus on several situations of Returned Missionaries assimilating back into "normal" life. I say "normal" that way because I don't believe there to be a normal case of assimilation. I by no means consider myself the average either, yet I was chosen for this interview to represent a portion of the Returned Missionary population assimilating back into society. This gave me another chance to consider a few of the many lessons or principles which I learned while on my mission. Some of these principles include learning by teaching, the Spirit of the Lord and of Elijah, and the beauty of developing relationships. In the following three posts I will show how I have been able to connect the dots between mission life and the life in which I now find myself.

Part 1: Learning by Teaching

Our purpose as missionaries was never just to teach the doctrine, but this was a very critical part of our success as we worked toward another end, namely "to invite [all] others to come unto Christ." We came to this end as we helped them "to receive the restored Gospel." As missionaries we memorized and internalized our purpose. Everything we did had to go through a sort of "purpose filter". If what we were doing, thinking, or talking about didn't line up with our purpose, we were taught to not do, think, or talk about that. When teaching, this purpose came into play in every way. If what we were teaching did not line up with our purpose we were to stop and listen for the promptings of the spirit. We learned to rely on the spirit to know just what that individual needed to be able to receive the restored Gospel. In the end, though, it was always the investigator or member's choice to receive or not receive what we were offering.

Learning and Teaching on the Mission

In my mission we were given hours upon hours of training in many areas of missionary service. As we practiced often the teaching skills we were taught, I began to notice a pattern of learning and teaching. Our mission president and other mission leaders would lead in the training of teaching skills. They would 1. Teach the doctrine and invite the spirit 2. Teach the skill related to the doctrine 3. Give an example of teaching using the skill 4. Evaluate the teaching 5. Give us the opportunity to teach each other using the skill 6. Have us evaluate our teaching and 7. Have us re-teach.

1. Teach the Doctrine and Invite the Spirit

In our training, we found it important to be rooted in the Doctrine of Christ. A missionary who is rooted firmly in the Doctrine of Christ can teach with conviction as he is confident in his testimony of that which he teaches. He is not swayed by the harsh, billowing winds of the teachings of men. By opening the scriptures and teaching the fundamental Doctrine of the skill to be practiced, our leaders opened up our minds and hearts to revelation through the Spirit. The role of the Holy Ghost in the conversion process was always reiterated as He is the one who will ultimately do the teaching. The fundamental doctrine discussed laid a foundation for the skill or skills to be focused on.

2. Teach the Skill

Skills taught varied from How to begin Teaching to Working with Members. Whatever the skill was, it was always tied back into how it related to our purpose as missionaries (to invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the restored Gospel...) as well as the doctrine discussed. We normally would go much further in depth than we would ever go in teaching to doctrine to investigators. This helped us in deepening our own roots in this doctrine.

3. Give an Example

To demonstrate one way of teaching this doctrine, our leaders would practice on each other pretending that the other person is an actual investigator they are currently teaching. This way the person in the place of the investigator has an opportunity to listen to the Spirit and gain access to the feelings of that individual. The other person would act as the missionary and would practice applying the skill or doctrine to that person's specific needs.

4. Evaluate the Teaching

After the example is given, the conversation was opened up to the group of missionaries. We were invited to give suggestions, comments, questions anything to help evaluate that teaching situation as no one is perfect, even the leaders.

5. Open Practice

We were then split off into groups of three, usually. One person acted as a real investigator, another would be the missionary and the other would listen in and give good feedback during the next step. The observer would look for how the skill was applied specifically to that person's needs and how the teaching could possibly be improved.

Something beautiful happened, but it did take a few tries of practicing. We eventually became used to the idea and were more receptive to the spirit. It was no longer a role playing game; we were spiritually creating a lesson. We witnessed many miracles as the Spirit was poured out upon us and we were instructed of the Spirit in the manner in which we were to teach. Many missionaries were able to find in that moment the actual need of the investigators for whom they were practicing. As we saw the miracles, our faith was built.

6. Evaluate

After the short 5-10 minute practice of the teaching of a single point or doctrine, the observing missionary was given 2 minutes to evaluate the teaching and a conversation was had on how the teaching could have been improved and what was learned from the teaching.

7. Re-teach

We were then given a little time to re-teach the point which usually went much better.

After practicing so many times we could easily feel discouraged as we may find ourselves saying lame, dumb, or even untrue things, but as we practiced the teaching beforehand we were able to get all the dumb stuff out of us before the actual lesson. Thus, in the lesson itself, we would be led by the Spirit in what we say.

Learning and Teaching in Anatomy

This example from my mission taught me how learning and teaching are interrelated. As we teach, we learn; as we learn, we have a greater desire to teach. I found the same to be true of my study habits as a college student at BYU. In my Human Anatomy Lab we are given almost a hundred new terms and concepts to learn and memorize every week in only an hour and a half long lab session. I found this task rather daunting even when we were given the opportunity to go to an "open-lab" session where we could view and handle specimens and cadavers as we study. I found myself sitting alone staring at a group of muscles wondering how I could ever memorize so many seemingly random terms.

I was interrupted in my thoughts as a classmate seated next to me asked me if I knew what a structure she was having trouble on was called. I knew exactly what it was and told her. I then asked her if she had any clue what muscle group I was looking at. She gave me the answer and we came to several conclusions and came up with several more questions. I found that as we worked together in teaching each other we were more effective in studying and as a result we performed better on the tests and quizzes.

Connecting the Dots

It wasn't till later when discussing with a friend the new teaching curriculum for K-12 school systems that I began to connect the dots. She informed me that schools are now getting away from the "traditional" teaching style and moving to a new style in which the children are given a fundamental objective for the day's learning tasks, taught the subject matter, and then given the opportunity to teach the topic to a classmate or group of classmates.

This process allows the children to all progress together rather than causing a division in the class of those who succeed and those who fall behind. As those who succeed quickly teach what they have learned, they make more connections in their brain and retain that knowledge even more efficiently and the children who learn at a slower pace are given an opportunity to learn the topic from another point of view allowing for further learning.

There is wisdom in learning by teaching; wisdom which can be applied to everything from elementary education and college study groups to missionary work and church service.