"And ye shall go forth in the power of my spirit, preaching my gospel, two by two, in my name, lifting up your voices as with the sound of a trump, declaring my word like unto angels of God." (Doc. & Cov. 42:6, emphasis added).
I was called to serve, but not alone. One of the greatest lessons I learned as a missionary is how to develop relationships. How essential a lesson to learn, especially in missionary work! As missionaries, we learned so much more than just how to teach and feel the spirit. We learned to have "no contention one with another, but... look forward with one eye, having one faith and one baptism, having [our] hearts knit together in unity and in love one towards another" (Mosiah 18:21). Indeed we were to create Zion. This included our relationships with our companions and other missionaries; local church and mission leaders; and members and their friends.
Companions and Other Missionaries
I was not given an easy set of mission companions. My mission president acknowledged this several times. I love each of them very much, but it was definitely a challenge for me to get along with them 24/7. I learned a great deal from each one of my companions and I learned the most in the most difficult companionships.
At the start of my mission, I was blessed with companions who were my greatest mentors, who taught me the language and trained me to be the missionary I eventually became. In the moment I did not appreciate their help, but my perspective of their role in my life quickly changed when challenge presented itself.
I will not go into detail with my relationships with my companions. It satisfies me to say that I had many challenges. At first, I let those challenges bother me. I'd get mad and frustrated with my companion for whatever reason. Then I was reminded of the following scriptures:
"For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another" (3 Nephi 11:29).
"And the Spirit shall be given unto you by the prayer of faith; and if ye receive not the Spirit ye shall not teach" (Doc. & Cov. 42:14).
I asked myself the question, can I feel the Spirit in my companionship? If I couldn't feel the spirit, I could not teach. I felt a noticeable difference between lessons when I had a good relationship with my companion and lessons when I was angry and bitter still. Several times I could not teach at all. The lesson was taught by one of the two of us and the other just sat there. This was not the way things were to be done. I knew because we had been called to preach the gospel two by two. It's not just a buddy system.
I started looking at how I could improve my relationship with my companion and other missionaries. I looked to the scriptures and prayed much. I knew that I had to teach by the spirit and I could only have access to that spirit if there was no contention among us. I learned so much as I humbled myself. I found that I cared more for others. I felt better about our companionship and was able to teach by the Spirit together with my companion.
We found that your relationship with your companion is a strong key indicator as to the outcome of the following transfer. Once you start getting along and having success one of you is bound to get transferred. And so it happened with me and I then learned another valuable lesson about relationships. Not everyone is the same. Everyone of my companions came from completely different backgrounds and experiences which made up who they were and how they respond to me. The way I treated some companions would be complelty inappropriate for other companions. It was always a hard adjustment, but I learned many things every transfer and now I am more able to adapt to change and find that I am more sensitive to personal needs.
Local Church and Mission Leaders
I found that the same principles apply to my relationships with local church and mission leaders as well. As 80% of the baptisms in our mission were member referrals, a missionaries' success in a ward largely depends on the relationship between the ward leadership and the full time missionaries. I learned to get along with ward leaders despite our differences as I focused on our commonality. Being one in purpose allowed us to put aside our differences and work together towards a common goal.
The same was true of mission leaders such as district leaders or zone leaders or the assistants to the president up to the mission president himself. Every one of them was different, yet as we brought our individual talents together to work towards a common goal, we saw much success.
Members and their Friends
Sadly, I was in areas where the previous missionaries made some poor choices and offended many members. Many missionaries don't understand why there are so many rules for missionaries and justify doing something so little as chewing gum in public. They are astonished and ashamed when members notice and call them out. How do the members know so many of the rules missionaries have? It remains a mystery to me, but I learned quickly that it is important to always be on duty. There is so much pressure as a missionary in everything you do from the way you style your hair to your conversation with a member of the opposite sex. Many missionaries don't like this kind of pressure and rebel, but I learned early on just how much my actions determined our relationship with the members.
Once missionaries have lost the trust of the members it is very difficult to recover. Personally, I think this is another reason for frequent transfers. Why is the relationship between missionaries and members so important? Just because of that 80% statistic. Members that don't trust the missionaries would never trust them with something so important to them as their friendships. This is why it was so important as missionaries to always be on duty.
Connecting the Dots
How to develop relationships was one of the last things I expected to learn about on my mission, yet it has helped me so much as I have applied what I learned there to my daily life. We are very social creatures. It's almost a form of survival of the fittest or survival of the most social. Everyday we communicate with others and form relationships.
By humbling myself and being more sensitive to the needs of others I have found it easier to make new friends in my new world. Being one in purpose with friends, or acquaintances has helped me in forming new relationships. As I work along side classmates to understand the concepts discussed in lectures, we are automatically drawn together in a closer relationship. A big part about forming relationships is forming the right ones. Ones that will help you to be the best you can be. As I continually strive to live the high standards of the gospel, I can feel confident that my friends and others around me will have more trust in me. That can be a lot of pressure as here at BYU everyone knows those standards and are almost watching to see if you slip up. People who trust me are most likely the ones who will become my good friends in the future.
Today being valentine's day, I thought it appropriate to publish this post on relationships. Sometimes, after reading my own writing, I question if there is any legitimacy to what I say especially in the Connecting the Dots section. I've been home for a grand total of one month and seventeen days. It's not like I have a whole lot of experience in applying what I've learned from my mission especially in the field of relationships. I am by no means and expert on the subject. I have made a few really good friends who have helped me a great deal as I've assimilated back into life. I am sure that one day I will be able to apply what I've learned from my mission to the development of a different kind of relationship.
Conclusion
Now, bringing this all together has been quite interesting. I've learned a lot of things as I've looked back on my mission and seen how it relates to life in the real world. I feel that connecting the dots is the best thing to do when one gets back from a mission. Life as a missionary is so much different from that of any other person in the world. At first it's hard, but then it becomes routine and then habit.
The hardest part about it is thinking about others 98% of the time and reserving the very least bit for yourself. The best advice I have heard for missionary work came from a friend and fellow missionary. He said simply enough, "It's not about you!" This simple statement stuck with me as I considered my role as a missionary. I learned a lot of things by applying that statement, but there are somethings you can not apply to regular life and this is one of them. Sure you can think it some of the time, but never to the extent that missionaries do. I have to worry about my classes, how I will pay for school, setting up a new bank account, living on my own, buying personal needs and wants...and the list goes on. But...does it have to be that way? Do I have to think so much about myself? Do I have to be so self absorbed all the time in my new life to fit in or is there a better way?
In the Savior's mortal ministry, it is apparent that everything he did was to do the Father's will. It was never about Him. It was never about him in the desert where he was tempted to succumb to the appetites of the flesh. It was never about him when scourged and plagued with taunting and laughter from the crowds. Even when it came down to his very life, it was not about His pain or His needs. And he extends to us the invitation: "...Follow thou me. Wherefore, my beloved brethren, can we follow Jesus save we shall be willing to keep the commandments of the Father?" (2 Nephi 31:10). Is it not a commandment to love one another? to comfort those that stand in need of comfort? to serve our fellowmen? to mourn with those who mourn? Indeed we are taught through the example of Christ to care for The One.
I have learned many important principles from my mission including learning by teaching, and the role of the Spirit of the Lord and of Elijah, and the beauty of developing relationships. We are taught through our own personal experiences how to apply such principles in such a way to benefit of others because, when it comes down to it...It's not about you. Now you connect the dots.
1 comment:
That's pretty awesome Café. I like your insights.
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